im back to post lurr..got spider web already..today went out with edmund ,yati and mich[cashier]..quite a fun day.. but it didnt chase away my depression anyway.getting more and more depressed.duno wad happened to me.seem like these period alot of things happen around me.making my depression worsen..why is life so miserable??and it call life..im really trying very hard to smile to laugh along when ppl did..but its so hard..eddy..if you know..he made me felt so depress..so disappointed at the same time.and strongly hurt my feelings..wake me up again to face the reality of human.i dont blame him..but i thanks him for not supporting me not encouraging me by saying such a true phrase that he never know he've hurt me so badly.but at least i've wake up from the fake side..from the lalaland which i used to hide.another thing..i dun need and i dun expect his inreturn love..i just want to stay close by his side and protect him..to make sure he is happy with or without me.eddy if you are here..you sure scold me stupid..but you know how much pain i got..from xiao long till now this him..im getting so tired..blaming you..why you never bring me along with you..im suffocating now..making the 1 i love smile..is so hard..cos slowly i can hardly see myself smiling with my heart.cos tears is wad i get back at the end of the day.but im alright.will my next life be a better one?can it be..all these years that i've live..miserable.. till i hate myself for who i am.can i sucess in freezing my heart up once again?locking myself up in my own lonely world once again?cos slowly i duno who i am..im not who i am..doggy..how i wish you are here..listen to my words..hugging me ask me dont cry..buying ice cream for me when im emo..but you know only haagen dazs green tea ice cream can stop me from crying.that wad rennie sim zhen feng did when i cried alone..another supervisor that dote me alot.. cos we are 1 big family.thinking back my past..is so memorable..theres still you in it.you know why i love green tea so much??cos green tea got a special tea taste..just like our memory is so special to me.the milk tea and green tea..accompany all these days that you are not with me.lollipops and ice cream too..i used tarot card to predict my life..i think i know..im still waiting for your 100 days..i want to visit you..why you never come to my dream le..where you go to??then last time is when im so sick..you came..and pad my head in my dream.really no one can pamper me so much except you.im being spoilt by you.now i spoilt him.that day..i look at the sky..i realize im so tiny..compare to the wide wide sky..im just a nothing.why ppl always know how to treasure know regreting only after losing it.i did.. 5 times in my life.1st is my great grandma that pamper me so much..she got this very nice cake that she dont bear to eat when she know im visiting her..she will save it up and give me eat.i miss the kuay she made..the best food i ever ate.but when she passes away tt day..im beside her bed with her.im still young at that time.all i know is everyone crying like hell.2nd is my small cousin..melvin..i didnt get to see him for the last time..not in time.he love to eat sushi..i said when he recover from the brain cancel i will bring him go eat.but he didnt manage to pull through.i still remember i cry like water tap.3rd is willy..i wanted to visit him that day..he passed away..i never get to his him for the last time.and i cried..4th is you..till now i still cant accept the fact..i going bit nuts..telling myself you went oversea..but whenever i see you photo..my tears just drop.sorry really sorry..i caused your death..why my phone is not with me!!!wad the hell is the rule!!if i know you find me.if im by your side you wont have gone so far away.you know my time stopped at the time i see you inside the coffin.my whole world time stopped moving.5th is my mei mei..i never love her eonugh..i miss when she hugged me and called me jiejie.my youngest mei mei among all.the 1 i neglect the most.cos i have no time.but i know she dote and love me alot more than i do..meimei..jiejie really miss you..have you being guai guai over there?must guai guai ok.jiejie not there..cannot be naughty.your 100 days me and ah soon they all will go down oso..sorry for not there for your last day..im with eddy..when i saw him being pushed inside..i nearly fainted le if i go sent you i think jie jie me will faint for sure.forgive me..jiejie really love you and eddy.must come to my dream talk to me ok..missing you 2..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
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