YING,JAS AND ME.. HAHAS.. I MISS YING SO MUCH.. SO LONG NV JOIN THE OUTING LE.. SAD.. =)STILL GOT DAMN ALOTS PHOTO.. BUT LAZY UPLOAD SO MUCH LA.. HAHAS..
DOR JAS AND ME.. IN POWER HOUSE.. HAHAS.. WE BECAME RESIDENT IN ST.JAMES MAN... XD
CLUBBING IN ST.JAMES POWER HOUSE.. =)
FIRST TO BE UP.. IS AH BAO AND ME..YUPPIE AND WE MISS MR BAO SO MUCHIE! WHERE THE HELL HE WENT TO EH.. WELL THE REST EVERONE SHLD NOE.. LETS JUST WATCH THE PICS.. ITS ALL DIFFERENT EVNT.. WITH ALL MY BEST SISTERS =)
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:28 AM
WAS AT ZOUK FLEA MARKET.. WELL.. ITS A FUN ONE ACTUALLY.. SHOP LIKE HELL..HAHAS..BUT ITS RAINING.. WELL// A BIT BORING AFTER THAT.. THE QUEEN GOES TO ME AND JUN.. SHE FOLLOW ME SHOPPING TOO MUCH,, END UP LIKE ME LIKE THAT.. HAHAS... SHOPPING QUEEN PRIORITY!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
12:21 AM
LET ME TELL A STORY TODAY;A GIRL NAME COOKIE AND A BOY NAME COFFEE. COOKIE AND COFFEE,FROM UNKNOWN TO VERY CLOSE.NO MATTER WAD COOKIE ALWAYS THINK OF COFFEE 1ST.IN THE FACT THAT COOKIE LIKE COFFEE. BUT AFTER A LONG TIME.. COFFEE CHANGED.. NOT AS CARING NOT AS KIND.BUT COOKIE STIL BELIEVE THAT ,NO HE WILL BE BACK.BE BY HIS SIDE,TAKING CARE OF HIS EVERYTHING,BECAME PART OF HER LIFE.HE THROW HER TEMPER[WHICH HE PROMISE HE WONT],HE DONT APPRECIATE NO MATTER WHAT SHE DO[WHICH HE USED TO APPRECIATE],HE DONT REALLY TALK TO HER [WHICH HE USED TO TALK ALOT] HE BECAME SO COLD[ WHICH NOT SUPPOSE TO]...TILL.. SOMEONE TOLD COOKIE.. I THINK THAT GIRL IS HIS GIRLFRIEND..COOKIE SMILED.SHE STILL DO EVERYTHING FOR HIM, WHILE LOOKING AT HIM AND HIS GIRLFRIEND SITTING THERE CHATTING HAPPILY,SO SWEET SO LOVING.SHE STILL DO HER BEST TO CLEAR HIS THINGS FOR HIM..EVERYTHING FOR HIM. A FEW DAYS PASSED, COOKIE NEVER APPEAR TO BE BY HIS SIDE ANYMORE.FINALLY,COFFEE FELT WEIRD.LOOKING AT THE TABLE SHE LAST TOUCHED.. A LETTER WAS LEFT THERE.. IT WRITTEN [LAST FAREWELL] "PLEASE BE HAPPY WITH OR WITHOUT ME,THATS ALL I CAN DO"THIS STORY TELL US.. LOVE IS NOT SELFISH,IS ABOUT LETTING THE ONE WE LOVE HEPPY?? NO WAY! ANOTHER VIEW IS.. MAN ARE SO SELFISH! SO STUPID..CANT THEY FEEL MORE?! OMG.. HAHAS..THAT STORY IS MY IMAGINATION EH. HLF HAPPEN ON MYSELF.. I JUST EDIT THE ENDING.. MAYBE I SHLD DO THAT ENDING ON MY OWN TOO.. SEE WADS THE OUTCOME.. NOT BAD EH..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
11:58 PM
IT BEEN SO LONG SINCE I BLOG AGAIN.. YUP,LIFE HAVE BEEN SO BUSY FOR ME. AND THATS SO MUCH THINGS IN MY MIND NOW. LIKE GIVING HIM UP AFTER LIKE 1 YR PLUS?LIKE ANOTHER STUPID THING I VE DONE AGAIN.THATS WHY HE SAID IM SILLY.WELL.. THINGS HAVE CHANGED I GUESS..WE JUST NOT THE SAME ANYMORE.WORSE!!MY BIRTHDAY MY BIRTHDAY! NOT EVEN A WORD FROM HIM.IS NOT THAT I DIDNT INVITE, IS HE IGNORED.BUT THIS IS NOT THAT WORSE OUT OF MY LIFE THAT MAKE ME GONE MAD EH.. IS THAT SLUT THAT I USED TO RESPECT..BUT NOT NOW!NOW TO ME SHE S JUST A SLUT THAT I NEED TO ACT THAT IM STIL ALRIGHT WITH HER BUT HATE HER TO THE CORE BEHIND..WELL I GUESS IM SUCH A BITCH BUT SHE S DRIVING ME CRAZY! KNOW WHAT?!SHE KNOW I LOVE HIM,BUT SHE KEEP ON TELLING ME SHE CALL TO WAKE HIM UP, SHE BUY BREAKFAST FOR HIM, HE TREAT HER EAT LUNCH WITH OTHERS,TOOK HIS STUFF FOR HIM,SAY HOW MUCH SHE KNOW ABOUT HIM N ETC... INFRONT OF ME!!!!!!!WHEN EVERYONE KNOW THAT HOW IMPORTANT HE IS TO ME!! HE JUST LIKE A PRECIOUS TO ME,, I HANDLE HIM WITH CARE , SCARE TO HURT HIM, LIKE HE S GONNA BE BROKEN ANYTIMES.DISAPOINTMENT... SO I JUST WANT TO LEAVE THIS FREAKING PLACE QUIETLY,SHEDING MY TEARS AFTER I TURN AROUND.I GUESS I LEAD A LIFE LIKE MERMAID..BUT I DONT FEEL GREAT OF MYSELF.. I FEELS STUPID BUT I CANT HELP IT, WHO CAN CONTROL FEELINGS? TEACH ME PLEASE?=( ANOTHER THING.. MY STUDIES.. WELL.. I HAVE A MUM THAT KEEP ASKING ME WHEN SIGN UP.. BUT I HAVE A BROTHER THAT HALF SUPPORTIVE BUT HALF POURING WATER ON ME.. AND THAT IS ICE WATER I GUESS~! I MEAN I WILL PROVE IT TO YOU! COS I WANT TO CLIMB HIGHER THAN PPL THAT DUN BELIEVE I CAN DO SO .SO .. I LL MAKE SURE THEM SUFFER UNDER ME. AND I SHALL LOOK DOWN ON THEM, TO LET THEM FEEL HOW PPL OUT THERE IS FEELING WHEN THEY DO SO TOO. TELLING THEM NOT TO BE SO PROUD OF YOURSELF, YOU WILL NEVER KNOW.I JUST DUNO WHY.. THATS SO MUCH THINGS IN MY HEAD.. SPINNING.. WORKING IS SUCH A PAIN TO ME NOW, I DUN FEEL LIKE IT ANYMORE.TIRED TIRED TIRED. TO HAVE A BETTER LIFE,I LL FIGHT.BUT NOT IN CDM ANYMORE. NO WAY!! HAIS... WHAT I WANT?? I HATE MYSELF IN SOME WAYS EH,, RIGHT.. AH BAL SAID POST GOOD THINGS?? BUT I DONT SEEM I GOT THE MOOD TO WRITE ANY EH..WAITING FOR PAY TO BE IN.. SO SHOPPING N HOUSE ETC.. IM COMING! WOOS..... THATS WILL MAKE ME FEELS BETTER =)
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
5:49 AM
i had enough of it.. i dont know wad i want.. i duno wad i need.. eddy.. tell me, what is it i want? that unclear image.. is that me? am i truly exist?who am i why am i crying cos of everything.my gd fren told me he found gf.. im truly happy for him but im sad at another cos.. why doed guys get whoeva they want so easily while we girls dont. if i want rainbow i must bear with the rain.? well then this rain must be a heavy storm.like wad afronson said.. at the end of the day, i could only blame myself cos i only left with me n myself to blame on.. as they left.i believe.. i can go on.. still pull on. i want to know what is me down the few years.who will my highness be.. still him? or changed. if i could hang on.forgive me if i cant,xiao long n wen long. tot u 2 lied to me.. cos u 2 arent there anymore. but u guys stil my friends.forgive me for who i am for what i said n what i did. cos... I HAD ENOUGH OF EVERYTHING THAT HAPPEN IN MY LIFE!I HAD ENOUGH OF ALL OF YOU TOO!!!!!!!!
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:52 AM
that day im so pissed off.. he confused me with his words.i cried like no one else business.i see another him, he stil care for me this friend.thats a good one that i cried again.. too touching.=) now.. me and that him slowly we are alright.. my mind keep flash back.. that day he told me not to angry. everytime i saw him. i cant control but i felt so mixed. boy im not angry you should noe. im just disappointed.the way you treat me is not wad i truely want it to be.its not the way.how can i make you feel my heart.how can i make you say you do.like the way you say no matter wad i want oso can i happy ju hao.can love be as simple if its a secret. i know u said.. simple complicated. yup.. think so.but im so happy when we are back to the square ones..i just want you to smile.when you smile cos of me im happy than anyone. someone cheat your feeling last time. i know you're hurt..if you dont dare to have faith on anyone anymore.. i can let you trust on.dont treat me like a puppet on the street..i can promise nothing but one.no one can ever love you as much as i do.that i believe.but to me.. everything is nth.towards you i have no confident at all.ridiculous.. i hate you seriously i hate you..but it will never more than i love you.
next:
i got myself a new friend.a gd friend.eddy.. you know?i hope you saw everything that happen to me.thats no way i can talk to you. so i type here hope you will see if you are by myside.his name is wen long..my gd gd fren.he treat me good.. but afterall.. he's still him..not you.im back with xiao long..but he's not that xiao long i used to know.anyway he's back.hoor.. nowaday.. i still feel so stress.. i never let myself destress.. i duno how to let my mind go..if you're here.. will it be different? i never let myself rest since you went away.where is the dreams? i miss you so much..those dreams .. doggy its not enough for me to stop crying.i tried to blame others for your death but i cant do it.end up i blaming myself.doggy.. is my new friend a gd friend?after you left me alone.. im totally alone.. i uesd to be alone till im scare to be go with crowds..the more ppl the more i feel lonely.but i still need ti smile..when i cant.only him who can make me smile but he not here.he's alright with or without me. like no different.. T_T.. or like wen long said the.. im too sensitive? maybe..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
7:25 AM
1/3/09 midnight.. my most happiest day i ever have..cos i finally cleared eveything with xiao long..i just want him back as my gd fren..tot we not as gd as in the past..and he's back.. after 2 years.. the 1st time we talk bout our own xin shi again..xiao long.. is 2 year not 1 yr..finally we sat down and chat again..seem like everything went back to the carpark..but xiao long...cannot drink alot le eh.. if not i beat your butt..sweat..so worried..hmm..i've being waiting for so long.. finally this day come.. and the she bu de you request..i tot u sing end up i sing..hahas..=x..my precious gd fren eh.. next time sing for u again..i hope and pray that you'll be happy..and you will find your happiness.. cos u my star.. oways there..shine from far..like star always manage to make me smile.hahas..thanks~~~
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
3:55 AM
im back to post lurr..got spider web already..today went out with edmund ,yati and mich[cashier]..quite a fun day.. but it didnt chase away my depression anyway.getting more and more depressed.duno wad happened to me.seem like these period alot of things happen around me.making my depression worsen..why is life so miserable??and it call life..im really trying very hard to smile to laugh along when ppl did..but its so hard..eddy..if you know..he made me felt so depress..so disappointed at the same time.and strongly hurt my feelings..wake me up again to face the reality of human.i dont blame him..but i thanks him for not supporting me not encouraging me by saying such a true phrase that he never know he've hurt me so badly.but at least i've wake up from the fake side..from the lalaland which i used to hide.another thing..i dun need and i dun expect his inreturn love..i just want to stay close by his side and protect him..to make sure he is happy with or without me.eddy if you are here..you sure scold me stupid..but you know how much pain i got..from xiao long till now this him..im getting so tired..blaming you..why you never bring me along with you..im suffocating now..making the 1 i love smile..is so hard..cos slowly i can hardly see myself smiling with my heart.cos tears is wad i get back at the end of the day.but im alright.will my next life be a better one?can it be..all these years that i've live..miserable.. till i hate myself for who i am.can i sucess in freezing my heart up once again?locking myself up in my own lonely world once again?cos slowly i duno who i am..im not who i am..doggy..how i wish you are here..listen to my words..hugging me ask me dont cry..buying ice cream for me when im emo..but you know only haagen dazs green tea ice cream can stop me from crying.that wad rennie sim zhen feng did when i cried alone..another supervisor that dote me alot.. cos we are 1 big family.thinking back my past..is so memorable..theres still you in it.you know why i love green tea so much??cos green tea got a special tea taste..just like our memory is so special to me.the milk tea and green tea..accompany all these days that you are not with me.lollipops and ice cream too..i used tarot card to predict my life..i think i know..im still waiting for your 100 days..i want to visit you..why you never come to my dream le..where you go to??then last time is when im so sick..you came..and pad my head in my dream.really no one can pamper me so much except you.im being spoilt by you.now i spoilt him.that day..i look at the sky..i realize im so tiny..compare to the wide wide sky..im just a nothing.why ppl always know how to treasure know regreting only after losing it.i did.. 5 times in my life.1st is my great grandma that pamper me so much..she got this very nice cake that she dont bear to eat when she know im visiting her..she will save it up and give me eat.i miss the kuay she made..the best food i ever ate.but when she passes away tt day..im beside her bed with her.im still young at that time.all i know is everyone crying like hell.2nd is my small cousin..melvin..i didnt get to see him for the last time..not in time.he love to eat sushi..i said when he recover from the brain cancel i will bring him go eat.but he didnt manage to pull through.i still remember i cry like water tap.3rd is willy..i wanted to visit him that day..he passed away..i never get to his him for the last time.and i cried..4th is you..till now i still cant accept the fact..i going bit nuts..telling myself you went oversea..but whenever i see you photo..my tears just drop.sorry really sorry..i caused your death..why my phone is not with me!!!wad the hell is the rule!!if i know you find me.if im by your side you wont have gone so far away.you know my time stopped at the time i see you inside the coffin.my whole world time stopped moving.5th is my mei mei..i never love her eonugh..i miss when she hugged me and called me jiejie.my youngest mei mei among all.the 1 i neglect the most.cos i have no time.but i know she dote and love me alot more than i do..meimei..jiejie really miss you..have you being guai guai over there?must guai guai ok.jiejie not there..cannot be naughty.your 100 days me and ah soon they all will go down oso..sorry for not there for your last day..im with eddy..when i saw him being pushed inside..i nearly fainted le if i go sent you i think jie jie me will faint for sure.forgive me..jiejie really love you and eddy.must come to my dream talk to me ok..missing you 2..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
9:08 AM
yesterday went casting and etc..end up go chervone with jun,nelson mama,xiao xiong.sing all derr way..most funny thing is.. in the end the whole bar left 2 tbl.. another group of guy we duno..and us..so rotate sing very fast..we keep making fun of 1 of the guy..cows he sing song is OMG~! like reading ehh..den we went to toh guan 24hrs kopi tiam look for shao qi..tt shy boy is getting used to us. his rank bigger than nelson in camp eh..best part is..tt group of guy in ktv one also come to the coffee shop..AND! is shao qi's frens! woo..so accurate..pai seh when they say we sing song powerful nice.XD!of cause i got train b4 one eh.. finally tomoro flying off to australia.gonna shopping for astro as well.buying chocolate for everyone to share.i see git nice towel buy back for astro hao ler.his towel can dont wash for 2 months 1 siia..hmm..dirty little big boy..
"You leave me SPEECHLESS, when you talk to me."
6:06 AM
